I look better un-naked...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
