Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
