if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
