Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
3pm strippers are depressing
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
