I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
