and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
