Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
