she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
