I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
