There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
