fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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