I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
