Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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