stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
