Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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