I didn't shave. On purpose
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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