you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
