sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
