I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
