If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
