You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Randomize
