even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't EVER smell your tampon
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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