Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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