I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
