thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
