all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
