Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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