he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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