Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
