My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
