I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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