yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
