I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
