my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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