The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
