Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
