I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
