My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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