I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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