she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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