Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
