So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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