I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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