After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
