Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
