My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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