Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
