my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
