If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
