Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
